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i've been thinking about killing myself for the last six months, moreso than usual, to a different degree, not just brief images and a vague urge, but real plans. long, drawn out deliberations.

i just want to be on my own for a while. i'm not willing to accept affection. i am silent, but not as much as i'd like to be.

i don't really care about loose ends. that's what always stopped me before. it doesn't matter. i need to read my life insurance policy.

it won't happen yet. i'm a coward.