i don't feel like a kind or a generous person. i suppose kind and generous people aren't meant to feel like they are. what i mean is i actively feel like the opposite of that.

one thing i read just now (in 'ways of seeing') is this: "A minute in the world's life passes! To paint it in its reality, and forget everything for that!"

and so lately i am starting to enjoy using a camera in a way i have not before. it's an interesting feeling that i don't want to approach immediately in case i tread over it and it collapses. maybe something good will come out of it next year. it's okay to go slowly.

one thing i think about often is this: "i am not myself." what a weird phrase.

i am not myself.